Focus
March 9th, 2010The last 18 months or so, God has taught me more in my walk with him than ever. I was raised in a great Christian home. We went to church every Sunday no matter what, but more importantly my parents actively lived their faith out in front of us. They believed the Bible in its entirety and taught us about salvation at an early age. They also believed that God would provide their needs and protect their family which he did over and over again.
In high school, God sent me an incredible friend named Kaycee. She is still one of my best friends today. Her father was a preacher and they invited me to their church. I grew so deeply in my faith during that time because I saw and felt God’s love and acceptance more than ever.
In college, I started looking for a church home where I could see myself be a part of the congregation. In 2003 the Sunday before Thanksgiving, I went to Fellowship Bible Church. There was a time in the service where people could share their testimonies. A man stood up that had just lost his 3 year old daughter. He talked about her struggle the last few months of her life and then he started to sing a popular worship song that says, “You Give and Take Away. My Heart will Choose to Say Lord Blessed be Your Name”. I thought to myself that I have to go to this church if the people in the congregation have that kind of walk with God to say Lord Blessed be your name when you just took away something I love more than anything!
Since joining the church, Jeff and I got married. We had several discussions while engaged on what we both wanted out of our marriage and how to implement our faith. Our church provided us with the tools we need to grow together in our faith. It also gave us an opportunity to join a community group and get the support and love from people in the same stage of life as us. Our community group has been such a great support system the past few years!
For the 26 years I have been alive, God has always played a big role in my life. God has provided me with a great family, friends, and church. I have always had faith in God. But, the last two years have brought the biggest challenges in my faith.
When I was 9 weeks pregnant, I started having some complications. At the doctor’s office, I found out that I had 3 hematomas sitting dangerously close to our baby. The doctor told me to go home, put my feet up, and relax in order to not put anymore stress on the baby. The hematomas could cause a miscarriage. On my way home that night, I was bawling asking God why he was making this pregnancy so tough. Then, my phone rang. It was Jeff saying he just lost his job. I went home that night and cried for hours until my friend Lauren came over to help me process everything we found out that day. Jeff came home that night at midnight after the FDIC released him from the bank and we just prayed to God that somehow he would bring us through this trial. When I went to the doctor’s office Monday, I only had 1 hematoma. We were so thankful. The next few months, Jeff looked and looked for a job and finally in September God provided him with a job at a great local bank. God provided an answer to our prayers again.
Not long after, Caleb was born. He was a healthy baby boy. I got to stay home with him for 9 weeks after he was born. I loved every second I was home with my baby. But, as the time passed as I was home with Caleb, I got really depressed about returning to work. I felt so much guilt about leaving my baby at daycare. I felt like I was failing him as a mother. I needed God to release me from all the guilt I felt about going back to work. And, after much prayer, God started to heal my heart and has made me content about the decision.
At 6 months old, Caleb started having digestive issues that got progressively worse. In February this year, we went to a new doctor that did some tests and found out he was impacted and his bowels didn’t seem to be functioning correctly. He scheduled us for an outpatient procedure the following Monday. It was a terrible procedure that caused Caleb a lot of pain. I prayed through the entire procedure that God would give him comfort and the doctors would find answers. On Thursday after the procedure, Caleb cried the entire night because his stomach was hurting so bad. The tests results came back that day too and they were inconclusive. We were so upset to see our baby crying uncontrollably and then that we put him through such an invasive test with no answers. But two weeks later, his digestive issues have completely gone away! God is GOOD!
Then came February 15th, a week after the barium procedure. I remember Jeff bringing Caleb into the kitchen saying something was wrong. I remember my baby’s eyes rolled back in his head. I remember Jeff telling me he was not breathing. I remember Jeff screaming at Caleb to come back to us. I called 911 and the operator told me to calm down and answer her questions but all I could do was yell at God and ask him to bring my baby through this trial. I never was so relieved when I saw Caleb come back to us from the seizure. Even though he didn’t know who we were or where he was, he was breathing and OK.
Since his seizures, we have ran many tests and all the tests have come back clear. God answered my prayers that my son would be 100% Healthy. But, I have lived in fear since that incident. And, I keep praying that God will remove that fear from my heart. I read today that the most frequent command in the Bible is “Do Not Be Afraid.” And, in order for me to do that, I must trust God with everything that is in me. I am reading a Max Lucado book called Facing the Giants. And, the book does a great job talking about David and how he faced Goliath. David faced many other “giants” in his life too and the reason he overcame his trials is because his eyes were constantly focused on God.
The other thing that God has taught me is that in this life I can’t just run to him when I need something. I can’t desperately seek him when things aren’t going well for us. I must have a desire to seek him every day. Beth Moore says, “We tend to run to God for temporary relief. God is looking for people who will walk with Him in steadfast belief. Choose to believe. Those who trust in Him will not be put to shame.” I must put that lesson into practice in my life.
I also read a study earlier in the year by Michelle Nichols called Sink or Walk on Water. The devotion book is fabulous! But, the main lesson I learned was God went through trials too while he was on this earth. I never really thought about all the pain and suffering he endured while on Earth! He was spit on and mocked, beat with a whip, a crown of thorns put on his head, and hung from a cross. Jesus went through more than any of us will go through in life, so he understands our hearts, our grief, and our fears. He went through all that so I can run to him. He died on the cross for me and for anyone who chooses to believe in me. And, with a sacrifice like that, he deserves me to focus on him all the time. Not just in the bad times but in the good times.
What I am trying to say in this post is that God is good all the time! I have had some difficult times, but God continually delivers and provides for me and my family. But, beyond the trouble, I just want to thank God for all the little things in life. I want to thank God for the incredible family he has provided us with. Caleb has the best grandparents, aunts, and uncles in the world. I want to thank God for the friends in our life that have stood up for us and prayed for us when we didn’t have the words. I want to thank God that Jeff and I both have jobs in this terrible economy. I want to thank God that I have this beautiful little boy whose smiles and kisses can make my world the happiest place ever. I want to thank God that I have a husband that loves me for me even when I am being hard to deal with.
God is such a great God and provides us with more than we can ever ask for! We just need to remember to focus on God’s goodness in the good and bad times. I have learned so much this year, but I know God has so much more to teach me and our family!

























